| Location | Basingstoke |
| Age | 4 days |
| Cause of Death | Cystic Fibrosis |
| Date of Birth | 01/12/2007 |
| Date of Death | 05/12/2007 |
| Visitors | 3,860 since 13/11/2008 |
| Creator |
After 8 and a half months of a happy 'normal' pregnancy, I spent the 30th of November 2007 worried
because Keelan had not moved once. He was an extremely active baby, he would kick all the time
except when family members wanted to feel him. I didn't look pregnant until about 2 weeks before
this as the weight just appeared. (I'd been healthy and eating properly)
I had an appointment with my doctor in the afternoon and attended as normal, it was here that I was
advised to go to the hospital as they could find no heartbeat and when they eventually did it was
really faint. They said the lack of movement was normal as he would be sleeping. This was not right
as he moved from the minute I woke up to the minute I went to bed.
I was admitted to hospital at 3pm and was transferred to a delivery suite at midnight. Throughout
the time I was in the hospital I was attached to machines monitoring Keelan's heartbeat or rather
lack of. He still hadn't moved but the midwives didn't seem concerned. They just kept telling me he
was sleeping. My labour was going really well (although slow), I wasn't in any pain until lunch time
on the 1st of december. At this point I was given gas and air which helped. Keelan still hadn't made
much movement, although he was in the correct position.
It seemed to go down hill from there though. I was then given 2 epidurals (the first fell out) and
then an injection of pethidine. Nothing was working. By 5pm on the 1st Keelan's head and shoulders
had been delivered and a midwife was telling me she thought he'd arrive in the next 5 minutes. At
5.25pm I was transferred to theatre where Keelan was delivered by C-section.
He wasn't breathing and had major problems with his abdomen. The doctors said that he'd already
grown his wings and they wouldn't be giving him oxygen. At this point he took the tiniest breath and
so they proceeded with giving him some help. In the early hours of December 2nd, Keelan was
transferred to Great Ormond Street Hospital.
At Great Ormond Street Keelan was given various tests and operations in the 3 days that he was
there. He grew his little wings on the 5th of December, after I made the heart breaking decision to
turn off his life support.
I made this decision because I was told that as a result of his large abdominal mass most of his
internal organs were under developed and currently failing. Due to a lack of oxygen during my labour
he was severely brain damaged.
I was told that even if his heart and the other organs started to function he would have no quality
of life. He would not be able to talk, walk, control any bodily functions. He wouldn't even see that
I was his mummy. I was also told he may die within hours or days and that he could go when I wasn't
around to see him.
It killed me to lose him after wanting him more than anything else in the world.
Keelan was kept a secret from most of our family until 4 weeks before his birth. This wasn't
intentional it just kind of happened. Although kept a secret from alot of people his arrival was
eagerly awaited.
He leaves behind his Mummy, Nana, Grandad and Uncle Paul, also a very large extended family.
He sits in the clouds with all his Angel friends dropping feathers from his special wings.
Loving him always and forever till its my time to fly,
Mummy xxxxxxxxxxx
Hello my darling little man. I'm sorry i haven't been for a while. I hope that you're being a good boy and playing nicely. Happy easter sweetie, dont eat too many chocolates. Lots and lots of love auntie sarah xxxx
Your special Daddy Chris asked me to leave you a message Keelan, telling you that he loves you lots and he hopes you like the easter presents we picked together. He thinks about you always and wishes he could have met you.
Lots of Love always,
Daddy Chris xxxxxxxxx
To my special lickle boy,
Mummies poems about you are being put in the anthology that sands are making, I got the paperwork this week. It suddenly makes losing you more real than ever before.
I'm going to see Chris on friday and i'll be staying there a while, so I'm sorry if I don't send any messages, I'm be thinking of you always. Chris has got you a little present for our special spot, he wont say what it is though.
Thank you for telling Nana to buy that special teddy from you on mothers day and for telling Grandad to get that baby bear that says "I Love Mummy." It made me cry as I wanted you here so much. One day we'll have a mothers day together lickle man, I promise.
Chris asked for some of your photos to put in his wallet, he's proud to have you in his life and glad you kept him safe for us. He loves you lots and wishes he could have met you.
I went and asked how much my tattoo of our feathers and your name would cost today, its not as expensive as I thought it would be so i'll get that done very soon. :)
Love, Hugs and Kisses, always, forever and a day,
Your always in our hearts little one,
Love Mummy, Chris, Nana, Grandad and Uncle Paul xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Special kisses from Indie, Bobby and Tash xxxxxxxxxxxx
I left here in a hurry,
I never got to say,
Just how much I love you mum,
And take your fears away.
I know your heart is breaking,
I see it in your face,
You feel your life is empty,
Now there is nothing there but space,
I’m always with you mum,
Through the day and the night,
I kiss your eye lids gently
As you huddle up so tight.
I think of how it should have been,
I know you dream of me,
I wish I could have stayed,
But it just wasn’t meant to be.
That raindrop on your cheek,
It isn’t rain at all
It’s the tears that I cry,
And you catch them as they fall.
Hi sweet one
Hi Keelan,
Mummy is having a tough time of things at the moment, i came to see your angel place on friday, i brought you something nice... you have some cutie little things to play with sweet one.
I will come and see you again soon,sending you lots of hugs and kisses.
Send some Angel hugs to mummy she needs some extra cuddles she's missing you terrilby and finding it hard like we all do Keelan.
hugs to you jan xxx
thinking of you tomorrow on mothers day xxx
Dandelions from Heaven
Mothers day is coming And I wanted to send you a sign
something you can tell others; "Is from an angel of mine
So I searched the heavens high and low for that perfect thing....
And low and behold I found it.... And a smile I hope it will bring.
So when you look to the heavens and see the yellow stars in the sky
Just think of me .... your angel... in the heavens way up high
And just imagine those stars; are dandelions up above.
Yes! Dandelions are also in heaven; which you know how much I love.
So on this mothers day and you awake and feel blue....
You will notice those yellow stars... are no longer in view.
So look to the meadows and the dandelions you see...
Are the ones I've tossed down this mothers day from me.
And when you find a dandelion that has turned from yellow to white;
Youre supposed to make a wish and then blow with all your might.
For you will be blowing kisses to me in heaven above....
And I will be catching them and blowing them back sent with all my love.
Please know that l am with you.... on this mothers day....
And also in the days ahead.... God and I will never stray.
We will be with you in the morning ....when you awake and see the sun....
We will be with you when you say your prayers when the day is done.
For God and I will never be very far from your side....
For I can now be everywhere.... and God will be your guide.
So.... remember when you see dandelions it is your guarantee
That I am always close to you.... for dandelions are free to roam ....now just like me.
I will always be with you mummy....
Happy Mothers Day....
Love your angel in heaven.
Anonymous.
I am going away tomorrow for a week but you are always in my thoughts & in my heart xxx
Mummy needs you so much Keelan, I'm finding things so hard to deal with. There is so much going on here and inside my head. I feel so alone, I've been there for anyone and everyone whose needed a friend and today when I need a little bit of support there's noone around. Please send Chris a hug, he's upset with Mummy over silly things in my head. I can't help but cry as I write this to you, because I'm sitting here wondering if things would be like this if you'd not grown your wings. Come see me friday when I see the clairvoyant please. Missing you always and forever Lickle man. Angel hugs and kisses, Love Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi little man
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CHEEKY MONKEY
love jan xx
Mummy misses you so much lickle man, I hope your not causing too much mayhem with all your Angel friends. Chris sends his love, he'll come see you when he's home from sea. I'm going to come see you on my way home, before rushing back to work.
I've got some new pictures of you being made by a lovely angel mummy, she's giving you some angel wings. I'll get them printed off so we can hang them at home and put them in your scrapbook.
Your always be my special little boy, even in years to come. I'll never forget you, as your always in my heart. Say happy mothers day to all your nannies, and make sure you send them my love. Come visit me too.
All my love always and forever,
Love Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
♥♥♥Hi there little man♥♥
Your Mummy left me a message on my site, What a thoughtful Mummy you have Keelan... I feel her pain as i too have pain like mummies....I hope to meet up with her and hear more about you little man. Shine down little one as you too are one of the brightest star's.
Playing within God's garden go play hide and seek with Carl and Stevie they'll keep you safe.
take care
lots of love ♥X♥
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