| Location | Basingstoke |
| Age | 4 days |
| Cause of Death | Cystic Fibrosis |
| Date of Birth | 01/12/2007 |
| Date of Death | 05/12/2007 |
| Visitors | 3,798 since 13/11/2008 |
| Creator |
After 8 and a half months of a happy 'normal' pregnancy, I spent the 30th of November 2007 worried
because Keelan had not moved once. He was an extremely active baby, he would kick all the time
except when family members wanted to feel him. I didn't look pregnant until about 2 weeks before
this as the weight just appeared. (I'd been healthy and eating properly)
I had an appointment with my doctor in the afternoon and attended as normal, it was here that I was
advised to go to the hospital as they could find no heartbeat and when they eventually did it was
really faint. They said the lack of movement was normal as he would be sleeping. This was not right
as he moved from the minute I woke up to the minute I went to bed.
I was admitted to hospital at 3pm and was transferred to a delivery suite at midnight. Throughout
the time I was in the hospital I was attached to machines monitoring Keelan's heartbeat or rather
lack of. He still hadn't moved but the midwives didn't seem concerned. They just kept telling me he
was sleeping. My labour was going really well (although slow), I wasn't in any pain until lunch time
on the 1st of december. At this point I was given gas and air which helped. Keelan still hadn't made
much movement, although he was in the correct position.
It seemed to go down hill from there though. I was then given 2 epidurals (the first fell out) and
then an injection of pethidine. Nothing was working. By 5pm on the 1st Keelan's head and shoulders
had been delivered and a midwife was telling me she thought he'd arrive in the next 5 minutes. At
5.25pm I was transferred to theatre where Keelan was delivered by C-section.
He wasn't breathing and had major problems with his abdomen. The doctors said that he'd already
grown his wings and they wouldn't be giving him oxygen. At this point he took the tiniest breath and
so they proceeded with giving him some help. In the early hours of December 2nd, Keelan was
transferred to Great Ormond Street Hospital.
At Great Ormond Street Keelan was given various tests and operations in the 3 days that he was
there. He grew his little wings on the 5th of December, after I made the heart breaking decision to
turn off his life support.
I made this decision because I was told that as a result of his large abdominal mass most of his
internal organs were under developed and currently failing. Due to a lack of oxygen during my labour
he was severely brain damaged.
I was told that even if his heart and the other organs started to function he would have no quality
of life. He would not be able to talk, walk, control any bodily functions. He wouldn't even see that
I was his mummy. I was also told he may die within hours or days and that he could go when I wasn't
around to see him.
It killed me to lose him after wanting him more than anything else in the world.
Keelan was kept a secret from most of our family until 4 weeks before his birth. This wasn't
intentional it just kind of happened. Although kept a secret from alot of people his arrival was
eagerly awaited.
He leaves behind his Mummy, Nana, Grandad and Uncle Paul, also a very large extended family.
He sits in the clouds with all his Angel friends dropping feathers from his special wings.
Loving him always and forever till its my time to fly,
Mummy xxxxxxxxxxx
mummy has just lit a baby powder candle for baby loss day. i'm thinking of you and kaitlin and all the other angel babies. sleep well my little prince x x x x x x
Hello, my gorgeous little boy.
Mummy misses you so much today especially as its 22 months since you were born. Which means its exactly 2 months till your birthday.
Thank you for keeping me strong on Saturday at the wedding reception, it was so hard to be there when everyone was pregnant or holding babies.
Yesterday I was having a bad day, I saw a baby who was 4 and 1/2 months old and it made me remember all the things I've missed out on with you. I got upset but Caroline was there to help me get by. It shouldn't be this way Keelan, you and I should be together. Having cuddles all the time and causing havoc for Nana and Grandad.
I've started buying you some lovely bits and pieces to decorate your special place for halloween. Even Jamie has started finding nice things for you.
I'll be lighting a candle for you on the 15th of October on babyloss awareness day. And I'll think of you when I do Grandad's balloon release on the 17th.
Big hugs and huge kisses,
Lots of Love,
Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello my gorgeous little boy,
Mummy misses you so so much and this week has been incredibly hard without you. Thank you for the beautiful feather you left for me at work, it brought a smile to a horrible day.
I've met a new friend at work, she knows all about the meaning of your name as she's irish. She also knows the pain of losing a baby as she's lost a little niece and nephew.
Do you like your new toys in our special place? I brought you some lovely candles ready for christmas time, its our 3rd one where we cant be together. We'll have lots together when its my time to join you.
Not a day goes by where I don't think about you and what might have been. I know its not good to think about the bad bits of whats happened but sometimes its so hard.
Your birthday presents are filling up quite quick, Davina brought you a little something from her, Dean and Kiara.
I should go and let you play with all your angel friends, don't be too much of a monkey.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses, everyday for all eternity.
Your mummies special angel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Night Night dont let the angel bugs bite lots of love and angel kisses love mummy and jamie. xxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello little man,
Mummy misses you so so much. I'm seeing some people tomorrow who are going to help us alot. I'm really nervous about going to see them, but Jamie is going to be there to support me. I hope that your be looking after me too.
Jamie and me brought you a new balloon yesterday to go with your cars one. We tidied your garden up too as the grass keeps growing in past the fence.
I think about you everyday Keelan and my love keeps growing for you, even though I know your not here. I talk about you to everyone. A new friend of mine, Donna, knows all about you and she asks about you alot.
Yesterday, uncle Andy, Cath, Harry and Freddie came to visit. While I was out the boys sat on your Grandad's lap and looked at your picture. They asked lots of questions about you and said you look beautiful. Their only little and sometimes they forget that they met you when you were still only little and growing inside me still.
Lots of love my little angel,
Love Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hope you had a nice day playing in the clouds Keelan, I bet its drier once your in them rather than under them like I was. :)
I hope your tucked up nice and snug in a big fluffy cloud, say goodnight to all the family and tell them I miss them all so much.
Wish Grandad Archie a happy angelversary for the 30th. Thinking of him always.
Fly high as always baby, can you find Jamie's gran (the old lady) and tell her his family miss her lots already. Also tell her that I was proud to be a part of her final journey.
Lots of love to you always, and forever, until its our time to fly together.
Love Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sorry its been so long since I left you a message or lit you a candle. I've been so busy sorting out the forms from the home office and the silly man in winchester. Nana and I are nearly sorted with having you moved. I'm hoping it wont take too much longer. We've picked out the area your be moved to, just waiting for the go ahead.
Thank you for the feathers you sent Nana when we were in town on Monday, I knew you'd be with us. Especially watching over me while I had my lasting tribute done just for you. It didn't hurt, but I was a little upset that you Grandad and Uncle don't like where I've had it put. :( I just wanted it somewhere that everyone will see it.
Did you like the balloon Nana brought you?
I'm hoping your be with me on Friday when I say goodbye to Jamie's Nan. It'll be so hard to be at her funeral when the last ones I went to were yours and Grandad's. I'll need a big angel hug from my special little boy.
Missing you always, forever and a day, but loving you so much for and for even longer. Fly high baby,
Lots of Love, Mummy x x x x x x x x x x x
Happy Fathers Day Keelan,
I know that wherever your Grandad Darryl is he'll be thinking of his lickle man.
Yesterday me and Jamie went shopping for our presents, we talked about you and the fact I've been trying to buy you a balloon on a stick for your special place but unfortunately had no luck :( we went into a card shop and while we were chatting one of your songs came on the radio. Its been ages since I've heard anything to remind me of you and there you were playing our song. It made me think about you lots.
Send Grandad Darryl and Uncle Paul a message today and let them know your with them.
Missing you always my gorgeous little boy, thank you for everything you do with me and all my little signs.
Loving you, today, tomorrow, always and forever,
Lots of Love
Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jamie sends a hug too x
Hello Lickle Man,
Its father's day on Sunday, and Mummy has to try and find Grandad something special. I wish you were here so that you could help me choose a gift and make the wrapping paper and card look nice. We'll all be thinking of you, and we'll come see you too.
Thank you for being with me this week baby, while I had my operation. It hurt alot but I know you were there to give me special hugs and kisses.
I got a letter from Camden this week, another little thing to make me realise you wont be coming home.
I'm spending the weekend with Jamie again. He wants to see your poem book.
Lots of love baby boy,
Love your Mummy xxxxxxxxxx
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